"What they did" versus "What they are"

   After watching the youtube video "How To Tell People They Sound Racist", I really got to thinking about the difference between being a racist and saying something that seems racist. It's not something I ever really considered before, but it makes total sense. Telling someone they're a racist is obviously just going to piss them off and could create a very hostile situation. On the other hand, telling them that what they said sounds racist is basically letting them know that they made a mistake and should clarify their statement so people don't take it the wrong way. Even though nobody wants their mistakes to be pointed out, it's a lot better than someone telling you that you are a racist when you know you aren't.
   One thing about the video I didn't agree with though is how the narrator said that telling someone they are a racist makes it easier for them to "derail" you and you're letting them off easy. First of all, it's not that easy to run away from a conversation once someone says "you're a racist", I assume anyway. If anything that would start a huge fight and you'd probably not be friends with them any more or something, but not necessarily all that easy to derail them. The only way I can think of would be to say something like "You're calling me a racist but you're also judging me on face value" kind of thing. Then again, assuming this person isn't your friend and their essentially a stranger, that's what most people call a first impression. If you flip this, though, if someone tells you that something you said sounds racist, as one youtube user commented, the most likely response to this is going to be "well that's not what i meant". If anything, that response derails them even easier than the other situation!
   What I did like about this video though is how he used the comparison of a thief to a racist. He basically said that if someone steals something from you, you're not going to run after them, then sit them down and ask them if they feel like a thief is who they truly are. No, of course not. You, and the legal system, and everyone else, will be judging them on what they did, which is steal from you. It should be the same for someone who says or did something racist. It doesn't mean that their entire personality or identity revolves around being a racist, if anything the comment just slipped out and wasn't meant to be a racist comment in the first place. You need to hold them accountable of what they did, not who you assume them to be.